just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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