Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
