My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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