Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
