I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
