he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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