i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
