Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
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