Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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