She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize