From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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