I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
COCAINE IS GR8
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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