Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
