I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
