I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
