He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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