90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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