Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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