is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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