Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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