...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
