Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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