naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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