____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You pole danced in your parka.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
