So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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