can we get nightvision for the apartment?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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