i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
