obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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