thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
