I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
