My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
