I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
