last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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