she sounds like chewbacca in bed
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
