Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
