I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
