At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
