dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize