***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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