On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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