worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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