Say something about gay babies.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
