Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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