I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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