Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize