i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
