I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
