Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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