I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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