we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
