I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
The beer is more important than you right now.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
How does one acquire holy water?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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