So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
A bitchslap is in order.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize