shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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