make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
