accomplished twins. life is a go
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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