Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
