how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
