I must be too annoying 4 u.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
