i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
