...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
