The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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