I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
