...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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