hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize