I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
