did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
