He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
