guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Can Purell be used as lube?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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