My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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